Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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