yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
