Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
