Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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