what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
