its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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