apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
