i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
