His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
