I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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