Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
