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My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
