just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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