This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
