Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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