I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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