Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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