my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
