She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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