I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
