One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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