and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
