Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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