Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
