I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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