I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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