you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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