I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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