And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your dad touched me again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
