He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
