You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
