Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
