So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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