no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
