Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
