You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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