we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
