not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
