I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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