Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
