dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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