Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
