Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
