the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
