my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
