dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
