One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
