Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
