Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
