I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
